@bonzcoloring

What is your perfect day?

Posted on August 5, 2023 by @bonzcoloring

Photo by SHVETS production on Pexels.com

My perfect day is sleeping in and waking up naturally. That’ll usually bring me to breakfast, my favorite meal of the day. I’ll have coffee, orange juice, some form of eggs benedict, hash browns, and pancakes.

Now that I’m all full, I’ll wander around a town and explore shops, museums, and their local attractions. Something along the lines of Solvang, CA will be cute. I visited the Ostrich Farm early in the morning before heading into Solvang and it was awesome! The weather was mild. The ostriches and emus were hungry so they all came out to meet us so they can eat from our bowl full of feed.

After wandering around, I’ll probably want a snack or a late lunch at a local eatery. Even better, if the eatery has been a long-standing favorite of the locals. I’ll try whatever the server would recommend as a first-time visitor.

For the evening, I’ll probably catch a movie at the local theater. If there’s a local entertainment venue, I’ll try to check it out. Then a quiet night, back at the inn or hotel, and end my day with a nice hour of book reading.

That’ll be my perfect day!

What’s your perfect day? Would you explore a new place or revisit a familiar place?

My Journal, Projects, Writing

What was your childhood dream?

Posted on July 29, 2023 by @bonzcoloring

As a child, I daydreamed a lot. I had an active imagination playing out in my mind, especially if I’m not watching Cantonese TV dramas and movies with my grandma over lunch or dinner. Then at about seven years old, I started learning to play the piano at my cousin’s teacher’s local home studio. It is a glorious feeling to express my emotions through music without words! Every day, after school and homework, I would sit at the piano and practice. I enjoyed the feeling of nailing a passage of music to perfection…into muscle memory. If I wasn’t so self-conscious, I would’ve given myself a high five right at the piano bench.

Joining music theory class to learn about key signatures, chord structures, and biographies of composers of different eras is my most interesting class of the week. My teacher also hold weekly Friday evening recitals so she could critique our performance. Sometimes, she would ask an older student to peer critique. It keeps us actively listening and not sleeping through the performances. It also helps us get past any stage fright because we’re performing in front of an average of 10+ peers whose ages range from 7 – 18 years old.

Arriving early to these music theory classes and performance recitals, I would help set up the 8-chair rows with a gap in the middle as an aisle. This way, we can practice taking a bow and walking back to our seat. Snacks and refreshments preparations include making the punch. The punch is made up of frozen pineapple chunks (as ice), a half gallon of orange or lime sorbet and a liter of lemon lime soda (usually Canada Dry). Empty all these ingredients into a glass punch bowl and stirring it all together with a ladle gives me the privilege of tasting the drink first.

My piano teacher is now a friend and mentor. Her life seems so ideal: self-employment with the privilege of setting her own hours and lesson rates. Lessons are typically afternoon or evening on weekdays as well as Saturdays. Little did I know, this career stems from necessity and not entirely from passion. I’ll be the first to say, this is shocking news to me because she is my best teacher. My middle school band teacher asks if I would consider joining his choir. He sees that the exploratory class of trumpet lessons did not match my abilities in 5th grade. I’m so grateful that he recognizes it. I show up in his class, stand on the first level of the riser and the rest is history. I sing as if I am alone in the room. From then on, my classical music foundation and Broadway musicals merges onto a beautiful harmony that would be my adolescent.

Moving away from the school that hosts my first choir is difficult. But, onwards and upwards! I join the high school concert choir as a Soprano in my freshman year. As a sophomore, I auditioned and was accepted into the all-female show choir ensemble. I didn’t share it with anyone at the time but my memory starts to slip. I forgot lyrics during my a cappella audition. How embarrassing! Memorizing a whole piece for piano seems daunting too. It used to take me a few months to learn and absorb a piece into muscle memory. As a teenager, it took me years and I would still blank out at certain passages. At that point, I knew my solo piano competition days were over. Luckily, show choir gave me a group effort and the distraction of choreography if I ever forgot the lyrics.

Having wonderful music teachers to lean on throughout my learning journey gives me the desire to engage, connect, and understand others at a deeper level. I mean, as deep as teenagers can be at that point. As an easygoing personality that dislikes conflict, I blend into groups with ease. I learn how to listen while keeping my internal judgment to myself, unless asked. I remember thinking as long as it wasn’t about me or damaging to others, I’ll allow it.

Having great role models in the form of teachers, inspires me to become one. Being a commuter college student, I felt isolated and detached. As such, I dropped out and started working in office jobs. After 18 years of desk jobs being office assistant to customer service to bookkeeper to corporate accountant, I’ve built enough of an office career.

I’m starting a new chapter by entering into the classroom. Leading a classroom of preschoolers to be specific. I accepted an offer to be an Instructional Aide for the 2023-2024 school year at a local school union district! I’m looking forward to the opportunity to be a role model and aide to students, teachers, and families. I want to help students develop a love of learning. The love of learning is something of a hobby of mine. Learning something new, trivial or important, gives me a sense of daily progress.

I didn’t know it at the time but my childhood dream was to be a teacher. Being a role model to others can be quite vague of a description as it’s a mindset of being a leader. We can lead from right where we are to whoever is around us.

Now that you’ve read about my story, what was your childhood dream? Did your dream change? Are you living the dream now? If not, when would you like to start living the dream?

Mindset of a Sailor

Image• Posted on July 25, 2023 by @bonzcoloring

My Journal, Projects, Writing

Journey towards ECE and #MyIntent

Posted on July 24, 2023 by @bonzcoloring

Dear readers,

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since my last post! Time truly does fly by faster than it may seem on certain days. At the beginning of 2023, I witnessed a former coworker’s reaction to their layoff. I didn’t realize it, at the time, but I will begin a 5-month journey of self-reflection that includes career coaching, talk therapy, and a mood-stabilizing prescription. Why am I sharing this? Because I’m taking a leap of faith to leave my comfortable desk job as a corporate accountant and in pursuit of becoming an early educator (preschool teacher).

Yes, this may very well be a “mid-life” crisis. I am a married, 36 year old woman who is child-free, by choice. I had someone ask me, “is this about you wanting to become a mother?” I politely responded, “it could be though I’m seeking professional help for a couple months to figure this out.” I mean, what else could I have said? Quitting my job and returning to my local community college, to take 2 classes from the Early Childhood Education (ECE) department, sounds extreme. But, is it really?

I’ve been a dedicated weekly volunteer at my church’s early Kid’s Ministry (nursery – Pre-K’s 5 year olds) for over 10 years combined. Post pandemic, I’ve been asked to become a volunteer coach and help staff oversee a team of adult and teen volunteers. It’s been a blast. Every week, it’s the morning I look forward to the most. Yes, there are more challenging mornings than others but I only engage with each child for 1 hour, tops. Being a weekly familiar face is comforting for returning parents and I get to grow with their family, one week at a time. It’s a true honor!

This led me to explore the field of ECE so I can be more impactful in my time with children and families. There are some naysayers that feel that I would be less equipped to be a teacher because I don’t have children of my own. I disagree with this misconception wholeheartedly. I love being a dog owner (parent) but I don’t wish to become a veterinarian. I wish to dedicate my time to create a nurturing environment for the children in my classroom. I want to spend time partnering with families on developing their child to reach their milestones. So much so, that learning becomes a lifelong hobby.

Is this a giant feat? It could be. It could also be loads of fun! After all, a child’s work is through play. An infant reaching to touch your face is learning attachment bond while developing their fine motor skill. A toddler propping themselves up and taking their first step is developing their gross motor skill. Getting a heartfelt hug from a child when they enter the classroom or a smile from a game of peekaboo is one of the fine luxuries and rewards of being a preschool teacher. I reserve my daily energy to spend it all with children and families at school or at church.

Making the choice of being child-free has given me a home space of quiet retreat where I can laze about doing whatever. Quality time is my love language and having the ability to spend it however I’d like is something that I’ll cherish to the end of my days.

Thanks for sticking with me and reading until here. This is only the beginning of my journey towards teaching preschool. I look forward to sharing my adventures with you as the months progress. To commit to blogging, I’ve found a way to share myself through the #MyIntent project. I bought a deck of their 33 meaningful question cards that entails 6 categories: Let Go, Be Me, Dream, Grow, Love, and Serve. Starting this week, I commit to a weekly Saturday post that answers one of these 33 questions. You’ll get to learn more about me and feel free to email me to share your answer to the same question. It’ll be an interesting way to get to know you personally as a human from a distance. To take the pressure off, feel free to be anonymous. I love alias and pen names, so give it a go and we’ll travel along together in spirit!

My Journal, Writing

Letters

Posted on December 12, 2021 by @bonzcoloring

I’ve been writing in my journals more often lately. There’s a journal in my purse, one on the armrest on my side of the sofa, and one next to my computer used primarily for work. At any given time, I pick up a pen and write down the date and time. It’s rare, but sometimes I just stop there. Why? There are multiple reasons but the most frequent one is fear.

Fear that once it’s written down, my feelings exist and therefore are real. I rarely read my journals after writing because I want to let my feelings live in the journal’s pages instead of inside of my mind. Does it always work? No. Does it work at all? Sometimes.

At one point, I started writing letters to God. This started to feel like a long-form prayer or confessional, neither of which I’m comfortable doing in the first place. I’m on a lifelong journey with my spirituality and faith. I remember watching Buddhist messages on TV at lunch with grandma. Then brought to a Christian baptist church on a weekly basis from middle school and onward to adulthood. Confusing to have both doctrines swimming around in my mind’s area of faith, even in adulthood.

A friend expressed her love of handwriting letters and we shared how it still feels special to open up our mailbox and see a personally addressed envelope. I couldn’t believe it when I heard that some schools don’t teach cursive handwriting anymore. These days, it’s considered calligraphy?! I understand that we can text and email which generates instant gratification. But isn’t the anticipation part of the fun? I remember a school project where we would write to a historical figure as if we lived in their time. It was one of the most engaging learning experiences in school.

By nature and nurture, I’m quite impatient. I’m that girl that interrupts people to finish their sentences. It’s my attempt to form an understanding of the conversation and stay engaged. My mind wanders especially when I’m near multiple conversations as a listener. Writing gives me focus on the sentence and the single recipient. It’s intimate, private, and all done in my own time. Quality over quantity when writing letters to my friends.

Journaling is much more casual as it’s for my eyes only. I can’t stop anyone from flipping through it when I leave it on the table but honestly, why would anyone do that? I’ll be right back, just talk to me if you want to know something 🙂

Anyhow, hope you’re hanging in there, wherever you are reading this. Thank you for sticking around to the end with me!

My Journal

It’s been a year?!

Posted on March 17, 2021March 17, 2021 by @bonzcoloring

I can’t believe it’s been a year since the first impact of the pandemic on my life. I was finally able to work from home (WFH suits me best)! Even though I was spoiled and the office was literally at the end of the boulevard, the comforts of WFH appealed to my INFJ self for years. Before you ask:

I do enjoy the joys of lunching with a friend who’s also a colleague.
I do enjoy the office festivities such as a team potluck (remember those?!)
I do enjoy the cubicle setting where unexpected eye-contact or facial responses can spark up an uncontrollable giggle session among friendly colleagues who serves as witness to moments of madness
I do enjoy chatting with others in the break room (my Shih-Tzu @oreo2008 is more of a supervisor than a confidante)

I’m basically home alone with Oreo and some of the WFH comforts includes:

Traffic free commute
- Unless you count a pile of laundry as obstruction but I avoid it like a familiar pothole on the road. I’ll take care of it on the weekend or at absolute critical times at night)
Ability to focus and “get in the zone” for a specific task
- If I’m stuck, I can use my available resources to research instead of being an “asking machine”
No-sharing snacks and beverage zone
- I love sharing snacks with others but right now, I’m not comfortable sharing with others just yet. Sorry to those who bring a box of donuts and I decline taking one. It’s only until I can get the vaccine. Once I do, lock up your snack drawers! I’ll be curious to learn who prefers salty, sweet, spicy, and all other types of flavor cravings.
Break time freedom (Yes, I’m that girl who sets a 15 minute timer to keep myself accountable)
- I can enjoy my DVR on an actual TV, not a smaller screen that can has pop up notifications enabled

Last year has taught me a lot about adapting to change. I’ve been so complacent with my life that I lived it passively pre-2020. I told myself, “fake it till I make it” and I partially did make it.

Second Impact from the pandemic: I was part of a large wave of layoff. Half of my work history was built with this employer. It was an emotionally charged (40 days) countdown clock that started from my 33rd birthday to layoff day. Ranging from losing the motivation to wake up in the morning to difficulties to quiet the racing thoughts at night, I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for the last half of 2020. Some days I needed some help with my anxiety and I got it from my therapist. I pushed a “pause” on my emotions and pushed “play” on my job search mode. Luckily, I passed a 3 part interview and landed an assignment before having to file for unemployment. It’s in the same field of work but a different industry. I’l forever be grateful that they’ve accepted me into their family as fragile as I was during the interview process.

After welcoming the New Year, I set a goal to place some emotional structure and boundaries for my mind. After all, thoughts are the stepping stones that lead the way of a path. The tricky part of is knowing when and what to let go and what to hold on: I think this is mindfulness…? I joined a book club. I tried a crochet kit with a friend. I listened to some books on Audible. I attended a small group at church before returning as a kids ministry volunteer.

Here’s to 2021, the Year of Recovery in all applicable sense of the word. Thank you to my husband, my family and my friends for being there for me. Knowing how you were there for me when I needed it the most means the world to me. I hope that I let you know in person at the time. If not, I’ll give you an extra big, awkwardly long hug next time I see you. The memories will continue to hold a special place in my heart for the rest of my days.

Thank you for reading this post up to this point! Take care of yourself and know that I appreciate you!!

My Journal

Quarantine Update

Posted on October 30, 2020October 30, 2020 by @bonzcoloring

So, I’ve been working from home for almost 7 months now. During this time, I’ve had more quiet time to reflect than ever before. What does that mean for me? I discovered free psychology tests on Truity.com. One of them was the Myer-Briggs test. These are my results:

I’m a INFJ. Knowing that I’m not alone in my thoughts and there are others like me is comforting. These type seems to be rare and from what I’ve read, INFJ’s are a contradictory type. Finally, articles that say what I feel but can’t explain to others properly.

I is for introvert. Growing up, I often felt out of place in crowds yet social on a one-on-one basis. I like to be invited to parties and attend but I don’t enjoy staying for long. You’ll see me cleaning up small areas when no longer engaged in conversation. I prefer to observe and listen to other’s conversation because I’m processing the topic the whole time. Other times, I’ll be so engaged with one person that I take up almost the whole party time talking with them.

N is for nurturing. Being with paternal Grandma and mutually taking care of each other was a mostly enjoyable experience. I like feeling needed and nurturing others is a wonderful feeling. I’m good with kids, especially toddlers. 1 year olds are my favorite. Two years ago, I volunteered at my church’s 1-year-old class for about 6 years. I looked forwarded to volunteering every week. Watching each child develop from crawling to stumbling to running around was fascinating. It’s truly the only hour that I’m completely present. It’s a rare feeling and I hope to resume the feeling when I return to volunteering when the Kid’s ministry re-opens its doors.

F is for feeling. Picking up on nonverbal cues was an ability that wasn’t felt by those around me. After I shared my thoughts, there’s the typical, “Really?! I didn’t get that at all. Maybe, it’s just you…” I would feel awkward and weird for being so sensitive. If I’m close enough to the person, I’ll reach out one-on-one, share what I sensed and offered a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to during times of distress.

J is for judging. I love to plan and organize. Sometimes I get so stuck on planning that I end up not following through at all. This is one of the reason, I take so long to use my art supplies. I have acrylic paints, new paintbrushes, fabric spray paints, alcohol inks and Prismacolor pencils but all are neatly preserved and waiting to be used. There’s an innate fear of producing something ugly. In all honesty, isn’t it about the creative process and not so much the result. I have to start somewhere, right?

Thanks for reading up until this point! You’ve gotten to know a bit about me, now it’s my turn. What’s your Myers-Brigg type? Don’t know your type? Let’s find out by taking the test: https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new! Until my next post, take care and stay safe…

Entertainment

The Song of Names

Posted on October 24, 2020 by @bonzcoloring

The search for a lost loved one can seem like following an endless trail of breadcrumbs. What happens once we find them? Will faith be restored? Will truths be revealed?

Martin Simmonds, played by Tim Roth, searches for his brother, who disappeared on the night of a concert in 1951 in Warsaw. Martin’s father staked his entire life into adopting a young Polish violin virtuoso, Dovidl Rapoport, during World War II. We follow Martin as he hunts out Dovidl, played by Clive Owens, all throughout Europe. Then, to find that he was driving distance from Martin’s home.

The music in the film is mesmerizing. Listening to it and learning of its significance to this family makes it even more compelling. This movie is worth watching both for the history and music. Hope you enjoy!

My Journal

Sunday Morning Walk

Posted on August 30, 2020August 30, 2020 by @bonzcoloring

I’m walking my dog at a park through a dense fog on a Sunday morning. My husband is playing tennis with his new Slinger ball machine.

The park is quiet. The fog makes it almost eerie. Peeks of sunlight creep through between the trees. A few runners and fellow walkers say a friendly “hello, good morning”, safely from at least 6 feet away.

The COVID-19 pandemic gives me time to be with myself: learn who I am and who I want to be today. Being present in the moment is difficult in our fast paced, screen focused society.

Take 1 minute right now to close your eyes, be still and just breathe in…breathe out…in…out…

My Journal

Leaving WGU

Posted on August 1, 2020 by @bonzcoloring

I joined WGU’s Bachelor’s program in Accounting in spring of 2018. Now in the summer of 2020, after months of procrastination, anxiety-filled days and repetitive conversations with my husband, I decided to announce my intent to withdraw to my WGU mentor. I know that I’m 3 classes away (Cost Accounting, Auditing and Capstone) but my heart is no longer there and my mind left the program back in April 2020. My withdrawal from the program (aka dropping out) has nothing to do with WGU’s team of mentor, course instructors and supporting teams; but everything to do with me, myself and my mind.

Since summer of 2019, my health became an assortment of seemingly endless loop of mind-bending roller coasters. Looking back, it may have even started as early as summer of 2017.

After I was outgrowing my corporate position. After graduating with an A.S. in Accounting Technician at a local community college, I took a break from school. It had been a 12 year journey from high school graduation to college graduation. After enjoying my break, I asked my boss if there were any skills or certifications that would benefit the team. I was offering myself to pursue it, especially with the company’s tuition reimbursement program as a source of financial assistance. She says it’s really up to me. OK, I guess, back to square one…?

A few days later, my director started a conversation with me about my career goals. He (and many others) didn’t know I was pursuing the A.S. program locally. I kept that to myself because I didn’t want to give much status updates about my pursuit of education at work. He shared a lot of insights on different educational institutions primarily focusing on profit vs. non-profit and tuition costs for Bachelor’s in Accounting programs.

Being the most cost-effective with flexibility of being 100% online, I chose WGU. I transferred my A.S. and jumped right into the core courses in pursuit of a B.S. in Accounting. I was flying through the courses, passing on 1st attempt at the Objective Assessments (aka finals in traditional, brick & mortar universities).

Then, came Taxation II. It took me 3 attempts but I finally passed.

Then came Cost and Managerial Accounting. I failed the 1st attempt after spending at least 2 months on the material while adjust to working from home after a state mandated response to the COVID-19 pandemic. I had to take a break from failing and started the next course, Auditing. I couldn’t even bring myself to turn on my laptop, let alone read, listen, watch the course content. Procrastination and the anxiety of providing weekly check-in updates to my mentor was just charades. I was lying to myself that I wanted to graduate from this program. My mind and actions no longer prioritized this program as important to myself nor my family.

Outside of WGU, I toggled between emotionally processing a corporate layoff (severance was offered to me, not furlough), ramping up (instead of down) on my corporate workload and job hunting to avoid the unemployment process.

With Jesus’ blessings and many prayers, I was accepted as a candidate for a position. After 2 interviews over the phone and a final onsite interview, I’m now a consultant for the client. I enjoy the work itself and I hope that I can make a positive impact to the client’s businesses.

With all of that, I am already recovering rapidly, post-WGU. My time is freed up to pursue anything or nothing at all. I can learn to relax in whatever format that may be: blogging here, coloring there, buying sheet music and playing piano…endless possibilities!!

Thank you for reading my story all the way to this golden nugget area. I’ll close with this excerpt from a book recommended by my Godmother. I have both the paperback and the audio book to cover my reading mood.

True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.

-Brene Brown (Braving the Wilderness) http://www.brenebrown.com