Posted in My Journal

It’s been a year?!

I can’t believe it’s been a year since the first impact of the pandemic on my life. I was finally able to work from home (WFH suits me best)! Even though I was spoiled and the office was literally at the end of the boulevard, the comforts of WFH appealed to my INFJ self for years. Before you ask:

  • I do enjoy the joys of lunching with a friend who’s also a colleague.
  • I do enjoy the office festivities such as a team potluck (remember those?!)
  • I do enjoy the cubicle setting where unexpected eye-contact or facial responses can spark up an uncontrollable giggle session among friendly colleagues who serves as witness to moments of madness
  • I do enjoy chatting with others in the break room (my Shih-Tzu @oreo2008 is more of a supervisor than a confidante)

I’m basically home alone with Oreo and some of the WFH comforts includes:

  • Traffic free commute
    • Unless you count a pile of laundry as obstruction but I avoid it like a familiar pothole on the road. I’ll take care of it on the weekend or at absolute critical times at night)
  • Ability to focus and “get in the zone” for a specific task
    • If I’m stuck, I can use my available resources to research instead of being an “asking machine”
  • No-sharing snacks and beverage zone
    • I love sharing snacks with others but right now, I’m not comfortable sharing with others just yet. Sorry to those who bring a box of donuts and I decline taking one. It’s only until I can get the vaccine. Once I do, lock up your snack drawers! I’ll be curious to learn who prefers salty, sweet, spicy, and all other types of flavor cravings.
  • Break time freedom (Yes, I’m that girl who sets a 15 minute timer to keep myself accountable)
    • I can enjoy my DVR on an actual TV, not a smaller screen that can has pop up notifications enabled

Last year has taught me a lot about adapting to change. I’ve been so complacent with my life that I lived it passively pre-2020. I told myself, “fake it till I make it” and I partially did make it.

Second Impact from the pandemic: I was part of a large wave of layoff. Half of my work history was built with this employer. It was an emotionally charged (40 days) countdown clock that started from my 33rd birthday to layoff day. Ranging from losing the motivation to wake up in the morning to difficulties to quiet the racing thoughts at night, I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for the last half of 2020. Some days I needed some help with my anxiety and I got it from my therapist. I pushed a “pause” on my emotions and pushed “play” on my job search mode. Luckily, I passed a 3 part interview and landed an assignment before having to file for unemployment. It’s in the same field of work but a different industry. I’l forever be grateful that they’ve accepted me into their family as fragile as I was during the interview process.

After welcoming the New Year, I set a goal to place some emotional structure and boundaries for my mind. After all, thoughts are the stepping stones that lead the way of a path. The tricky part of is knowing when and what to let go and what to hold on: I think this is mindfulness…? I joined a book club. I tried a crochet kit with a friend. I listened to some books on Audible. I attended a small group at church before returning as a kids ministry volunteer.

Here’s to 2021, the Year of Recovery in all applicable sense of the word. Thank you to my husband, my family and my friends for being there for me. Knowing how you were there for me when I needed it the most means the world to me. I hope that I let you know in person at the time. If not, I’ll give you an extra big, awkwardly long hug next time I see you. The memories will continue to hold a special place in my heart for the rest of my days.

Thank you for reading this post up to this point! Take care of yourself and know that I appreciate you!!

Posted in My Journal

Quarantine Update

So, I’ve been working from home for almost 7 months now. During this time, I’ve had more quiet time to reflect than ever before. What does that mean for me? I discovered free psychology tests on Truity.com. One of them was the Myer-Briggs test. These are my results:

I’m a INFJ. Knowing that I’m not alone in my thoughts and there are others like me is comforting. These type seems to be rare and from what I’ve read, INFJ’s are a contradictory type. Finally, articles that say what I feel but can’t explain to others properly.

I is for introvert. Growing up, I often felt out of place in crowds yet social on a one-on-one basis. I like to be invited to parties and attend but I don’t enjoy staying for long. You’ll see me cleaning up small areas when no longer engaged in conversation. I prefer to observe and listen to other’s conversation because I’m processing the topic the whole time. Other times, I’ll be so engaged with one person that I take up almost the whole party time talking with them.

N is for nurturing. Being with paternal Grandma and mutually taking care of each other was a mostly enjoyable experience. I like feeling needed and nurturing others is a wonderful feeling. I’m good with kids, especially toddlers. 1 year olds are my favorite. Two years ago, I volunteered at my church’s 1-year-old class for about 6 years. I looked forwarded to volunteering every week. Watching each child develop from crawling to stumbling to running around was fascinating. It’s truly the only hour that I’m completely present. It’s a rare feeling and I hope to resume the feeling when I return to volunteering when the Kid’s ministry re-opens its doors.

F is for feeling. Picking up on nonverbal cues was an ability that wasn’t felt by those around me. After I shared my thoughts, there’s the typical, “Really?! I didn’t get that at all. Maybe, it’s just you…” I would feel awkward and weird for being so sensitive. If I’m close enough to the person, I’ll reach out one-on-one, share what I sensed and offered a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to during times of distress.

J is for judging. I love to plan and organize. Sometimes I get so stuck on planning that I end up not following through at all. This is one of the reason, I take so long to use my art supplies. I have acrylic paints, new paintbrushes, fabric spray paints, alcohol inks and Prismacolor pencils but all are neatly preserved and waiting to be used. There’s an innate fear of producing something ugly. In all honesty, isn’t it about the creative process and not so much the result. I have to start somewhere, right?

Thanks for reading up until this point! You’ve gotten to know a bit about me, now it’s my turn. What’s your Myers-Brigg type? Don’t know your type? Let’s find out by taking the test: https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new! Until my next post, take care and stay safe…

Posted in My Journal

Sunday Morning Walk

I’m walking my dog at a park through a dense fog on a Sunday morning. My husband is playing tennis with his new Slinger ball machine.

The park is quiet. The fog makes it almost eerie. Peeks of sunlight creep through between the trees. A few runners and fellow walkers say a friendly “hello, good morning”, safely from at least 6 feet away.

The COVID-19 pandemic gives me time to be with myself: learn who I am and who I want to be today. Being present in the moment is difficult in our fast paced, screen focused society.

Take 1 minute right now to close your eyes, be still and just breathe in…breathe out…in…out…

Posted in My Journal

Leaving WGU

I joined WGU’s Bachelor’s program in Accounting in spring of 2018. Now in the summer of 2020, after months of procrastination, anxiety-filled days and repetitive conversations with my husband, I decided to announce my intent to withdraw to my WGU mentor. I know that I’m 3 classes away (Cost Accounting, Auditing and Capstone) but my heart is no longer there and my mind left the program back in April 2020. My withdrawal from the program (aka dropping out) has nothing to do with WGU’s team of mentor, course instructors and supporting teams; but everything to do with me, myself and my mind.

Since summer of 2019, my health became an assortment of seemingly endless loop of mind-bending roller coasters. Looking back, it may have even started as early as summer of 2017.

After I was outgrowing my corporate position. After graduating with an A.S. in Accounting Technician at a local community college, I took a break from school. It had been a 12 year journey from high school graduation to college graduation. After enjoying my break, I asked my boss if there were any skills or certifications that would benefit the team. I was offering myself to pursue it, especially with the company’s tuition reimbursement program as a source of financial assistance. She says it’s really up to me. OK, I guess, back to square one…?

A few days later, my director started a conversation with me about my career goals. He (and many others) didn’t know I was pursuing the A.S. program locally. I kept that to myself because I didn’t want to give much status updates about my pursuit of education at work. He shared a lot of insights on different educational institutions primarily focusing on profit vs. non-profit and tuition costs for Bachelor’s in Accounting programs.

Being the most cost-effective with flexibility of being 100% online, I chose WGU. I transferred my A.S. and jumped right into the core courses in pursuit of a B.S. in Accounting. I was flying through the courses, passing on 1st attempt at the Objective Assessments (aka finals in traditional, brick & mortar universities).

Then, came Taxation II. It took me 3 attempts but I finally passed.

Then came Cost and Managerial Accounting. I failed the 1st attempt after spending at least 2 months on the material while adjust to working from home after a state mandated response to the COVID-19 pandemic. I had to take a break from failing and started the next course, Auditing. I couldn’t even bring myself to turn on my laptop, let alone read, listen, watch the course content. Procrastination and the anxiety of providing weekly check-in updates to my mentor was just charades. I was lying to myself that I wanted to graduate from this program. My mind and actions no longer prioritized this program as important to myself nor my family.

Outside of WGU, I toggled between emotionally processing a corporate layoff (severance was offered to me, not furlough), ramping up (instead of down) on my corporate workload and job hunting to avoid the unemployment process.

With Jesus’ blessings and many prayers, I was accepted as a candidate for a position. After 2 interviews over the phone and a final onsite interview, I’m now a consultant for the client. I enjoy the work itself and I hope that I can make a positive impact to the client’s businesses.

With all of that, I am already recovering rapidly, post-WGU. My time is freed up to pursue anything or nothing at all. I can learn to relax in whatever format that may be: blogging here, coloring there, buying sheet music and playing piano…endless possibilities!!

Thank you for reading my story all the way to this golden nugget area. I’ll close with this excerpt from a book recommended by my Godmother. I have both the paperback and the audio book to cover my reading mood.

True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.

-Brene Brown (Braving the Wilderness) http://www.brenebrown.com